Become an Empathic Listener in 7 Steps

Empathic listening goes far beyond simply paying attention. It’s about making someone feel validated and seen.
When done correctly, listening with empathy can deepen your connections and give others a sense of belonging when they talk to you. Even better? It’s an easy thing to learn and put into practice.

۱. Correct your body language
The first step toward showing someone they have your full attention is by facing them and maintaining eye contact in a relaxed way.
Usually, when someone is talking to us, we might unconsciously turn away from them and rehearse our grocery list or think of places we want to go for dinner. But empathic listening involves the entire body.
Imagine your closest friend shows up to your lunch date sobbing. Would you casually ask her what’s wrong over your shoulder? Chances are, you’d immediately turn around to face her. Aim to do the same in any conversation.

۲. Clear away distractions
We’re often so caught up in our phones that we don’t realize when someone in front of us is trying to meaningfully connect.
Instead of answering text messages and nodding along with whatever your partner is saying, put all devices away and ask them to do the same. By getting rid of distractions, you can focus on each other and be more present.

۳. Listen without judging
It’s hard for people to truly connect when they feel judged. To avoid this, be mindful when listening to them and avoid responding with disapproval or criticism even if you don’t personally agree with what they’re saying.

۴. Be present
When the other person is talking, avoid thinking about what you’re going to say next or interrupting them. Slow things down and wait for pauses in the conversation before you jump in.
Try to concentrate on and picture what they’re saying to help you stay alert in longer convos.

۵. Pay attention to nonverbal cues
Don’t just listen with your ears.
You can tell if a person is feeling excited, annoyed, or overwhelmed by taking note of their body language and tone of voice. Notice the expression around their eyes, mouth and how they’re sitting.

If your partner’s shoulders are slumped while they tell you about their day, for example, they may need some extra support.
6. Avoid offering solutions
7. Don’t downplay their concerns